To Be Or Knot To Be

So a lot has happened these past few weeks and I can’t believe the countdown is now down to days.  Ben and I are getting married in less than a week!  I’ve survived both bridal showers with flying colors, minus a few cooking remarks from more experienced domestic goddesses.  Seriously what is wrong with cereal or mac ‘n cheese for dinner?  I will admit the roaster does look a little intimidating but I digress.

The bachelorette party was a blast and I am so happy to have been able to have that time with my gal pals.  There is just nothing like talking about guys over cocktails with some of your closest friends.

Now it’s game time and my nerves are starting to get the best of me.  It’s not that I have cold feet - I’m totally not one of those brides that the week before they tie the knot they start second-guessing every decision they’ve made in their adult life - it’s just all the tension built up for the “Big Day” is just starting give me knots in my stomach.  Given our recent weather pattern, what if it rains on our wedding day?  Or, what if I forget the vows?  And seriously, what is it about a wedding that automatically triggers the question about how soon the newlyweds will start having children?  Then there is my favorite question… “Are you ready?”  YES!  Yes I’m ready, hopefully I’ll be a beautiful bride and if it rains then we’ll just have to accommodate because I can’t control the weather.  It’s funny how you wait your whole life for this moment and then when you’re in the moment you just want it here and gone.  I think Ben and I are both just ready for the honeymoon!

- Bride to “B”

Our wedding day count is down to mere days – 30 to be exact. All the big details have been set in stone and most of the smaller particulars are coming together. I think the tension is finally starting to turn to anticipation. Now comes the fun part: the showers, the nuptials, the party!

Yesterday I finally was able to pick up my dress from the alterations place. I tried it on as soon as I got home and kept it on for a good half hour. I had to get used to wearing it for an extended period of time! Of course, I didn’t let Ben see me in it. Ben and I have decided to change our mode of transportation from the church to the reception destination, so I had to test it out. Originally we were going to have a friend of the family escort us in his 1937 DeSoto. It is a gorgeous, black, vintage beauty that has been kept in perfect condition. I swear you would think he cleaned it with a Q-tip. I’ve always thought that it would be so classy to ride off in it, but to Ben’s point, it really doesn’t have any sentimental value to us. Ben’s never ridden in it before, it wasn’t a car he used to pick me up for dates in, and actually, our first date was on motorcycle. While I never thought of myself as a “biker chick” (and still don’t), Ben thought it would be sweet for us to have our first ride as newlyweds the same as our first ride as a couple. We don’t have the actual bike from our first date anymore, but we do have another one: My dad’s. Dad’s first words were, “well isn’t that redneck?” but I think we can pull it off without even the slightest hint of “redneck.” Surprisingly, Mom also thought it was sweet and is on board. She won’t even let me try my dress on until my hands are clean, so I really didn’t think she would be okay with me riding on a bike. The two main worries are keeping my dress tucked away from the tires and the exhaust, and keeping my hair in place. I went shopping yesterday to find a fix for the hair problem and stumbled upon a scarf that will do the trick. I’m going to wrap it around my hair and tie it around my neck, like in old movies when they are driving in convertibles, but without the big shades. As for the dress issue, my dress is a crushed taffeta so won’t matter if it gets any wrinkles in it from the ride; it’s supposed to be wrinkled. We will probably keep the DeSoto as a back up, but fingers-crossed it’ll be a beautiful day and both my dress and hair will remain unscathed.

- Bride to “B”

Weddings are funny. The whole day is supposed to be about just the bride and groom, yet all the preparations and all the details seem to be about the guest. I’ve been to many weddings where the bride and groom hardly see one another because they are so busy entertaining and greeting. So far, that’s how much of the planning has been. Who to invite, who not to invite? What types of food would people most like? Totally typical and I’m not complaining at all. If you’re going to invite people to spend the day celebrating with you then it’s only proper to treat them to a good time. But when we get those little moments, when it’s just about Ben and I, it just makes them that much more special. For instance, this past weekend we had our engagement photo session. First of all, we couldn’t have asked for better weather and it was a perfect day for taking pictures. The photo session lasted only a few hours, but it was so special because it was finally just about Ben and I. It was truly the best day we’ve had together since the day he proposed. We were able to let loose and be the goofs that we both fell in love with. We chose to have our pictures taken on a family farm out by the barns and in the fields. I mean this is Indiana: What says “Indiana” more than big barns and cornfields? I wore a simple sundress and Ben got to wear his jeans. We were able to glance at a few of the shots and if the rest of the images turn out as well as those, Ben and I will be pleased. We are definitely content with our photographers. Our personalities work well together and tend to feed off one another. That just added to the ambiance. I hope our wedding day will be this refreshing and hopefully we’ll be able to steal a few moments of that day just for ourselves.

- Bride to “B”

For most people, weddings are a joyous occasion filled with laughter, good memories, and great toasts. You’re surrounded by close friends and family, are served a fantastic meal, and given a perfect excuse to kick off your shoes and shamelessly dance the night away. Love is all around. For some, though, it reminds us of the lack of love in our life. Having been there before, I know what it’s like to look at the happy bride and groom and want so badly to be at that place in my life. If only catching the bouquet really meant you would be the next to marry. Fortunately I am now on the other side. But as I look at my single friends—one in particular—I can’t help but hope for them to find the same happiness. I know fate works on her own schedule; I just wish she’d hurry it along. I hate to see my friends go through yet another failed relationship. Back to square one. And I especially don’t want them to feel as though I’m rubbing my happiness in their faces. I’m trying my best not to make them feel that way. I keep telling them fate works in mysterious ways. I never would have considered dating Ben before… remember he was my least compatible match in high school (haha). I just hope they keep an open mind and don’t waste as much time as I did avoiding their “Mr. Right.”

- Bride to “B”

Stress. It’s a killer, and lately has been a huge pain in my neck – literally. I finally thought I’d convinced myself I would just go with the flow. Who cares about details anyway, right? But inside the tension has been building and physically took a toll: I have a huge, painful knot between my neck and shoulder. While my dress came in and was altered without a hitch, it seems everything else has been a hindrance. The flower girl’s dress has to be let out because the bridal store measured her incorrectly, the same store also ordered the wrong ring bearer pillow and now has rush-order the correct one, and we purchased three different dresses for the guest book attendants before we struck gold. To top it off, the bridesmaid dresses STILL haven’t come in yet! I have one bridesmaid that lives in New Hampshire and another two hours away. If alterations need to be made, this really isn’t giving us much time to work with. Hence the huge knot.

I thought, I’ll just have Ben massage it and I’ll be as good as new. Unfortunately it got much worse and I couldn’t even hold my head up straight. So I booked a deep tissue massage appointment. I am now able to hold my head up straight, but the pain has migrated to various other spots along my back and neck. Apparently I had several tension points that need to be worked out. Imagine that. It will get better as the days pass, they always do, but if I go back for the recommended half hour sessions before the wedding I think I’m going to tell them less tissue, more massage.

- Bride to “B”

It’s funny how you can go years without seeing and old friend, and then run into them completely out of the blue right before your wedding. Some just want to rekindle the relationship; the strains of finding a job after graduation or relocating makes it difficult to maintain the closeness. You feel the same way and happily exchange updates. Then there are those others that when you become acquainted with them again, it sounds like they just want to come to the party. One such friend saw Ben and I eating dinner a couple of weeks ago at a local restaurant, walked up to our table, graciously reminded me that it has been three years since we’ve spoken, and told me of his recent engagement. I told him of our wedding, and then he asked if he was getting an invite to the wedding. No mention of hanging out again, no mention of inviting me to his upcoming nuptials… I haven’t the slightest idea where to even send an invitation. Our guest list is already close to 300; my parents would kill me. Sure it would be fun to have a big blow-out party, but my parents aren’t paying for just anyone to show up. We simply can’t invite all of our acquaintances.

My mom and I already condensed the guest list as we got the invitations ready to mail out, and Ben and his mother did the same for their family. While we sent out several courtesy invites – we know they can’t make it but wanted to send them an invite anyways – we don’t have many extras. While it’s nice to catch up with an old friend, unfortunately there is a time and a place, and it’s not going to be at my parents’ expense. 

As for the old friend that graced our dinner table with his presence, we’ve grown apart over the years and I don’t see that changing.  I don’t even know him anymore so I just can’t justify inviting him.  Close friends, family, and a few co-workers - Absolutely.  An old friend that I hardly know anymore  - Absolutely Not!  People change, friendships go astray and I'm sorry but just because we were friends doesn't mean you make the guest list. 

- Bride to “B”

Finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. After all the planning, ordering, reordering, searching, sizing, coordinating and decision making… at last I’m getting a pretty good image of what our wedding is going to be like. I can just picture my Dad holding back the tears as we’re waiting for the church doors to open… Mom standing beside me smiling as she finishes zipping me into my dress… Ben’s reaction the first time he sees me… My reaction when I see Ben. The pieces are actually coming together.

My dress finally arrived! I must have tried it on 3 times within the first hour I had it. I know the dress doesn’t make the day but just having it, seeing it hanging there, is such a huge relief. Other than a few alterations to the length and off-the-shoulder straps, it fits like a glove - yet another relief given its form-fitting lines. Thank goodness I hid the Thin Mints!

Sure, there are plenty of other details that are adding stress—the bridesmaid dresses aren’t in, the guys haven’t gotten fitted for their tuxes, the flowers still are not done, we haven’t given the caterer our menu and I haven’t ordered Ben’s ring yet—but I’m to the point where the excitement outweighs the anxiety. I just know it will all turn out okay and if it doesn’t, Mom and Grandma will take care of it. I’m realizing that all of the other details, such as hairstyles and color-coordinated stamps for the invitations, really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—why stress it? I know this sounds strange given my antics over the jewelry, but I really think that opened my eyes. For now I’m going to try the “go with the flow” approach and enjoy the rest of the time leading up to the wedding. I can’t believe it’s fewer than two months away!

-Bride to “B”