Experts say celebrated World War II correspondent Ernie Pyle, the pride of Dana, Indiana, would have hated this G.I. Joe doll that Hasbro commissioned back in 2002. To mark the 120-year anniversary of the Pulitzer Prize winner’s birth this month, we figured misery could use a little company in the form of nine other toys based on famous Hoosiers.
1. Michael Jackson
The Thriller-era King of Pop comes with both a removable sequined glove and microphone, but—hee-hee!—no werewolves or dancing zombies.
2. Ernie Pyle
Fights fascism and files 500 words on deadline in a single bound.
3. James Dean
Teenage angst sold separately.
4. Jim Hellwig
Professional wrestling’s Ultimate Warrior hailed from parts unknown, which Hoosiers recognize as Crawfordsville.
5. Axl Rose
The Funko version of the stormy Rock & Roll Hall of Famer is the only acceptable Axl Rose solo act.
6. Katie Douglas
Nod along if you know the pride of Purdue and Perry Meridian retired from the WNBA as one of the league’s all-time leading scorers.
7. Adam Driver
If you think it hurts to be the grandson of a man who destroyed entire planets long ago in a galaxy far away, try stepping barefoot on this Kylo Ren/Ben Solo mini-figure from LEGO. Noooooo!
8. Vivica A. Fox
You won’t find a prize like this—Vernita Green, assassin turned homemaker from Kill Bill—in a Kaboom cereal box.
9. Larry Bird
Like the real thing, this plastic figurine of the Hick from French Lick is a little immobile.
10. Florence Henderson
Here’s the story of a lovely lady who was so busy with three girls of her own that she couldn’t find time to get her hair colored. C’mon designers—it’s hair of GOLD.
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