Happy Wednesday, HGTV fans! Good Bones has discovered the weirdest bed in Indianapolis, and we—contributing editor Megan Fernandez and art director Kristin Sims—have finally come out of shock to recap this fifth episode.
The house, an 800-square-foot future cutie on the Old Southside, is so small the person that lived here before rigged a bed just inside the front door to a janky pulley system so it could lift up during the day and create more floor space. It is directly overhead when you walk in the door. Gotta say, bravo—ingenious move. Points for creativity. But a penalty for execution. It’s not exactly stable.
This house sits directly behind Cory’s house from last season and actually caught fire during that reno, hence this episode’s title, “From Burned Out to Boho Nordic.” Are we looking at a sauna? Or is “boho Nordic” the new name for an abundance of Ikea?
Kristin: We start at Chez Cory, and I don’t think he has done a thing to his back deck since moving in last season. Ironically, Mina points out that Cory is wearing inappropriate footwear (flip-flops) to tour their new purchase—and Cory responds, “Typically, you’re wearing flip-flops.” Yeah! Someone else has noticed.
Megan: Cory is stealing your lines. You shouldn’t wear flip-flops because you never know when you’ll enter a house directly underneath a poorly rigged bed. That is a serious small-space hack. I thought you only did this in Brooklyn studios. Will Karen salvage it on the walk-through?
Kristin: I thought Karen didn’t do inspections anymore. I guess only the really gross ones. This house is disgusting.
Megan: They can barely squeeze through it because it’s like the Grand Canyon of debris. It’s so bad they can’t even find the basement access.
Kristin: They’re lucky that they have the camera crew with them in case they get trapped under an avalanche of junk.
Megan: When they finally locate a small hole to the basement, they discover that it’s only a few feet tall. But hey, the floor system is in good shape! What a pleasant surprise.
Kristin: I truly can’t believe that Karen crawled into the crawl space—no “treasure” is worth that. Although now that I said it, I guess that’s literally what a crawl space is for.
Megan: They got this house for $7,000 and basically bought Saddam Hussein’s foxhole and a bed pulley system. Worth it for this mess?
Kristin: Even if it’s a tear-down, the property is worth $7,000. I’m surprised with such a large hole in the roof that there isn’t significant water damage, especially since Mina mentioned that they had been trying to buy this house “for a while.”
Megan: The plan is to put in $150,000 and sell it for well over $200,000 for a tidy profit and new neighbors for Cory. They need more bedrooms.
Kristin: In this tiny house, it seems aggressive to add two additional bedrooms and two baths on the second floor. We’ll see.
Megan: They’re going to add on to the second level so all of the beds can remain stationary on the floor. When the demo crew and MJ show up and hear about the state of the house, MJ says, “To circle back, we’re walking in underneath a death trap.”
Kristin: All the while, something stinks really bad and they don’t know where it’s coming from. If it’s the toilet, will they do a contest to see who removes it? It turns out it might be fridge juice. Cory catches a whiff and goes running down the street. How did he not smell it from his deck all this time?
Megan: Austin carries out the source of the stench, a mini fridge, and saturates himself in fridge juice. Then Tad, heartless, doesn’t exempt Austin from the toilet rochambeau even though he has already had a bad day. And Austin loses, so he’s on toilet duty (doodie?), too.
Kristin: I called the rochambeau! Poor Austin. He hasn’t been his happy-go-lucky self this season, and now this. But he’s a champ. He just takes it—and removes it—like a man.
Megan: Karen found a wok in some rafters. Of all things in all places. Then within a minute in TV time, the house is cleaned out, framing has started, and Cory is meeting with Mina at her house to review the blueprints. They look nice, popping out a big dormer on the second floor. Cory gets carried away thinking about buying this house for a rental and maybe another house nearby, and making himself the “Don of Adler Street.”
Kristin: From the plans, I like the look of the new exterior. It’s something different. And it makes more sense now that they are putting one of the three bedrooms on the first floor—I didn’t know how it would fit upstairs. I’m bummed about the addition of a closet by the entry. It creates an awkward corner in the dining area. It’s important to have a closet, but I wish it could be somewhere else.
Megan: I’ve mentioned this before, but I lived in a house with no closet on the first floor, and it’s awful. There aren’t enough wall hooks in the world to make up for it.
Kristin: It’s weird that the two upstairs bedrooms have two closets each. But with no basement, I guess that’s where the Christmas decorations go.
Megan: Cory’s delusions of landlord grandeur are raging by the time he, Mina, and Tad do a construction check. He’s demanding all kinds of features inside, including a secret passageway to the utility room and quartz instead of butcher-block counters. Mina has to remind him this is not a “buyer walk.”
Kristin: Well, that was fast. Meeting with MJ on design, Mina reveals that “Cory is all talk and no action” and has backed out. So now the house needs to be buyer-friendly, and that means super neutral. White subway tile in the bathrooms.
Megan: I guess the icy-gray floors they choose are sorta Nordic.
Kristin: Here’s a mid-episode detour: Mina takes her family to see a lot she bought in Bates-Hendricks to build a new Two Chicks office! The company has grown a lot and they desperately need more space. Finally, they can consolidate all of their staging items from nine storage facilities spread out across the city. I wonder if this will be enough room for storage, offices, and design samples. I guess we’ll find out next season.
Megan: We meet potential buyers, a young couple with a small child and another on the way, and they have put in more than 40 offers over a few years! I’m rooting for them. But they want to use the downstairs primary suite for more entertaining space because the house is small, and what will be their primary suite upstairs looks tiny.
Kristin: Super small. You know I’m not a fan of huge primary bedrooms and baths, but can they fit a bed in there? Can’t wait for the final reveal.
Megan: Hey, we’re in Madison, Indiana! Tad and Karen took a road trip to hunt for driftwood along the Ohio River to make a patio table for these buyers. They’ll use a tempered-glass top that Karen found in the house. They find a burly, gnarly piece of sycamore.
Kristin: How much does it cost to drag the Iron Timbers guys to Madison?
Megan: I was wondering if that was Iron Timbers. Back at the house, MJ wants to install a rock-climbing wall for the daughter, and he says, “Like a lot of my ideas, I thought this would be a lot simpler.” MJ has had a lot of good ideas, though. This might not be his best. They make it work by putting up plywood for reinforcement and spray-painting the holds black, white, gold, and pink.
Kristin: How much can the child be “into rock climbing,” as MJ said, when she’s a toddler?
Megan: Yeah, don’t let MJ baby-sit. The new patio in the backyard comes with a prize view of Cory’s hot tub.
Megan: I’m putting cardboard in my flowerbeds next spring, like Karen did in this yard. She promised no weeds, ever.
Kristin: Yeah, I might have to try that, too.
Megan: Here comes the driftwood table! It sits low but it looks good.
Kristin: Of course—the IT guys made it!
Megan: Hey! Dining room sighting! Finley and MJ come in exasperated from going to storage facilities all across the city to find chairs and a faux ficus.
Kristin: The space by the closet is much bigger than it looked on the plans. The main level is tight, but it’s cute. The kitchen feels a little apartment-y to me. Even the propping seems lackluster this week, but I guess the parkas by the back door add “Nordic.” Does Nordic wear count?
Megan: Haha, that’s some low-budget Nordic decorating, unless they’re North Face.
Kristin: Interesting that the AC is a wall unit since they tore everything down to the studs.
Megan: The main bedroom upstairs is bigger than I expected. But unfortunately, the $150,000 reno budget came in at $213,000 with foundation issues and other problems. Mina sold it to the deserving couple for $240,000. It’s a good deal for them, but Two Chicks only made $20,000. Mina seems genuinely happy that the couple finally got a home. Do you think living next to Cory raised the home value, or seeing him in the hot tub on the final walk-through brought it down a bit?
Kristin: He’s cute, but my first thought was that I wouldn’t want my little girl seeing that every weekend! Sorry, Cory!
Megan: He was a good sport to hot-tub for the camera. I bet he’ll be a great neighbor. Let’s see if Two Chicks can turn a bigger profit next week. See you then!