Our Tips For Seema Verma’s Next “Girl’s Night”

Illustration by Margo Wininger
Kurt Vonnegut famously said, “I don’t know what it is about Hoosiers, but wherever you go there is always a Hoosier doing something very important there.” True, but only mostly: Vonnegut never attended a Seema Verma “Girl’s Night.”

In a Politico exclusive, reporters Dan Diamond and Adam Cancryn outline gross misuses of taxpayer funds by Verma, including a $2,933 “Girls Night” thrown to raise the political profile of the Carmel resident and Medicare/Medicaid chief. The news comes less than a year after Diamond revealed the 49-year-old Trump appointee sought to have taxpayers reimburse her for $47,000 in uninsured property after her bags were stolen on the way to a speaking engagement.

Verma’s “Girl’s Night” was thrown at the home of USA Today’s Washington bureau chief Susan Page. But, if she’d like to party closer to home, our editors and contributors have some suggestions that should keep things under budget:

“Kick off the night by standing in a COVID-friendly line for Fountain Square’s Rooftop Garden. Order a glass of Old Vine’s 7 Deadly Zins—it just sounds naughty—and literally drink in the views. Afterward, head to Thunderbird; their fried chicken is top-notch sober-the-heck-up cuisine.” —Dawn Olsen, contributor

“Tailgate at a COVID testing location.” —Julia Spalding, dining editor

“With $2,933 in hand, we could Uber to and from The World Famous Hiphugger™ in Kokomo and still have plenty of cash left over to throw at the roundabout art in Carmel.” —Michael Rubino, editor-in-chief

“I’d reserve the penthouse at the Conrad. We’d have en suite mani/pedis while sipping on the hotel’s most expensive champagne. Then I’d stick her with the tab to teach her “personal responsibility,” a phrase she is fond of using, but clearly knows little about.” —Alicia Garceau, contributing editor

“If she feels the need to piss away that much money, she can do so literally by picking up strangers’ tabs at a local bar. Everyone wins!” —Laura Kruty, special projects editor

“I see her almost every Saturday morning at the Carmel farmer’s market, so we would switch things up: We’d head just southeast across Rangline to the Broken Barrel, a speakeasy inside the Wolfie’s Grill there, and I would ask her to take me inside her blood feud with fellow Hoosier and HHS Secretary Alex Azar over a New Old Fashioned.” —Adam Wren, contributing editor

“Rent out the Inferno Room and drink fruity, rummy drinks with your #BFFs till dawn. It might cost you a bit more than Page’s party, but the ambience is worth it.” —Allison Edwards, special projects art director

“The $10 manicure from NEAT Mobile Nail Salon. They come to you and your girlfriends, masks in place—just remember to wear yours too to avoid any Nancy Pelosi–style salon gaffes. As for the polish, ask for MAGA red.”—Kelly Kendall, managing editor

“$2,933 happens to be the exact amount I charge for the day spa in my guest bathroom. However, management does not guarantee the cleanliness of the toilet,” —Daniel Comiskey, deputy editor