“I think people who decorate 4 Christmas be4 Thanksgiving hate America.”
 “@AllisonBiehle is busier than a magnum on a rap video set.”
 “Just got followed to my room by security… He eyeballed me coming out of the elevator with the ‘That little cracker isn’t on the team’ look.”
 “Popped a zit on my lip.. Walking around looking like I got the herp.”
 “Weighed in 5 lbs under this morning… That means tonight… TONIGHT… This night right here.. Is gonna be dessert binge Friday.”
 “Sooo Neil Diamond is a pretty creepy dude.”
 “New and improved tight jersey landed me on the ‘Random Steroid Test’… Thanks for the compliment commish.”
 “The Amish are so pilgrim gangster.”
 “Couple other kickers get a lot of press for their twitter accounts.. love that they’re getting love.. Pretty lame dudes though.”
 “Hey @Hoya2aPacer… You can’t get this in Portland bud.”
[The No. 1 tweet, from July 2012, was directed at Pacer Roy Hibbert, who was fielding free-agent offers. McAfee tweeted his advice, paired with a photo of him kicked back with an arm stretched around former Playmate Kendra Wilkinson and three other bikini-clad knockouts.]
Top photo by Wil Foster; hair and makeup by Amanda Schroeder.
Photo at right via @PatMcAfeeShow Twitter feed.