Overheard in the Indy 500 Snake Pit

Parental advisory: Some of this is rather off-color. Duh.

Snake-Pitters shimmied, twerked, and grinded to DJ Hardwell’s beats today in the infield of Indianapolis Motor Speedway. I stopped by (and eavesdropped) to see if this year’s fist-pumping partiers were as wild as last year’s.

They were.

1. “The bass is tickling my balls,” said a boy with American-flag overall jorts. “Yeah, you like that?” he asked me when I turned around. No, no I do not. 

2. “You can remember the last 500 race?” a belly-baring girl asked her possible boyfriend—they did kiss, but it’s the Snake Pit so who knows. The boy insisted the photo I snapped of them was “front page material.”

3. “But I’m wearing a romper—is that totally heinous?” a girl asked, after I took her and her friend’s photo.

4. “Yeah, Jim Nabors! Doesn’t get much better than that,” said one of the guys working at the concession stand in the Snake Pit.

5. “I’m not that drunk, I swear. Just dance with me,” slurred a clearly intoxicated sweaty thirtysomething man, who insisted I take a photo with him. I respectfully declined.

6.  “You need to tell me how exactly I need to effing dance for this photo, or I’m about to walk away and you can use that photo so just effing tell me,” said a freak wearing a gold outfit.

7. “Where’d your pretty little friend go?” asked an out-of-sight male.

8. “You know what the difference is between lady bugs and beetles? Dots, dude,” said a tall, dark, and handsome fella to his two lady friends. Oddly, they were impressed.

9. “’ZERO F—KS! ZERO F—KS!” exclaimed a clan of shirtless guys, as they danced their way into the Snake Pit. This was immediately followed with, “MERICA! MERICA! MERICA!”

10. “Thank you for what you do. I’m not bullshitting you,” said a red-faced, inebriated polo-wearing Snake-Pitter to one of the police officers at the party’s entrance. “We get a lot of that,” the officer told me, once the partier walked away. “Oh, and there’s some guy running around who’s wearing a speedo with money in it. You need to get a picture of that.” Sadly, I wasn’t able to track the guy down.